Son of Yhency

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Operation, Part II

Editor's note: This is the second installment in our continuing series that narrates the ongoing Operation Yhency. For background, see our first post on this Operation, which unveils our not-so-well-planned, ummmmm, plan.

In an Operation that we promised would often involve little to no activity and sporadic updates on this blog, we have nailed down the address that we will use to write our letter to Yhency, a full month after the target date. But that's okay, we think, because Yhency just reported to Dodgertown the other day and now has a sore shoulder! Just a case of Yhency being Yhency, we suppose.

After having no luck uncovering any sort of a personal address, we were initially torn between mailing our letter to Yhency at Dodgertown in Vero Beach, Florida (the Dodgers' spring training facility) or sending it directly to our shrine, Dodger Stadium. But seeing as Yhency isn't at Dodgertown yet and will be absent for the duration of the World Baseball Classic (maybe), we think it makes sense to contact Yhency via Dodger Stadium.

So. Here is our address:

Yhency Brazoban
Dodger Stadium
1000 Elysian Park Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90012-1199

Next step: write that letter!

Monday, February 20, 2006

We're two for two!

Made it Lakers game #2 on the year last Monday night and the Lake Show struggled their way to an ugly win over the Jazz.

(Sorry about the ultra-late post here. I realize that since this game, the Lakers have already had a pathetic loss to the Hawks and the All-Star weekend in Houston has come and gone.)

The venue this time was the Staples Center, whose slogan is, "The Sports and Entertainment Center of the World." This, of course, is not to be confused with Madison Square Garden, aka "The World's Most Famous Arena."

The game was ugly. Real ugly. And no one was worse than the pathetic, reprehensible, gawd-awful Kwame Brown. In merely the first half of the first quarter, Kwame had at least three dropped passes and two turnovers and was promptly booed off the floor with about four minutes to go in the first. The best part about Kwame imploding so badly so early?


(Wait, wrong context. Let's try that again.)


That's right. With several minutes to go left in the first quarter, Andrew Bynum entered the game. And we cheered like we never had before. Because as I discovered a few weeks ago, Bynum is a beast. And for all we knew, this was the first time that he had ever played in the first quarter with the Lakers.

Unfortunately in this game, Bynum didn't live up to the hype. Although his line doesn't show it (two-for-two from the field, four boards in 14 1/2 minutes of play), it wasn't too pretty. At one point, in three consecutive Laker possessions, he had a three-second violation, a turnover and then another three-second violation. So Phil fumed a little.

But regardless, he was better than Kwame. Oh yes... he was better than Kwame.

And this got me thinking: Isn't this year (and maybe the next two or three as well) all about getting Bynum some playing time? We all know Kwame sucks and his numbers on the year -- 6.1 ppg, 6.0 rpg -- prove that. So why waste our time on that baggage when Bynum is just as good and will only get better? Seems to make sense to me. Who's with me?

Saturday, February 18, 2006

I don't know if this is false hope...

...but this picture gets me pretty excited for the Dodgers' 2006 season.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Visa issues... and more???

Troubling news out of L.A. today. (Well, actually the Dominican.) It appears that Yhency may have hurt his arm pitching in the Dominican Winter League. Or he didn't.

If this news tragically turns out to be accurate, we at Son of Yhency are extremely concerned on what impact these developments may have, not only to Yhency's performance this year, but to the entire Dodgers' bullpen. For an unhealthy Yhency yields a weak bullpen. And we can't have that.

Even if this speculation proves to be false, what sort of psychological toll has it already taken on the team? These are the things I wonder about.

Let's all say a prayer and drink to Yhency. And world peace.

Let the bashing continue!

You know it's baseball season when people begin to rip Fruit-Rod. And man, do I love it!

The newest person to let that WBC flip-flopper have it? Ozzie Guillen: "I hate hypocrites. He's full of shit."

Good stuff. Good, good stuff.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Yhency having visa troubles

Pitchers and catchers reported to Dodgertown today, but Yhency was absent because of visa problems.

Why do we always hear about players having visa troubles? They know months in advance when they need to get into the U.S., right? What's up with that?

But don't worry -- he still tempts me.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Stu Scott: sports reporter, father, idiot

Known facts in my life:
- Every two weeks, I get ESPN The Magazine in the mail.
- Every two weeks, I open ESPN The Magazine up and read whatever the hell it is Stuart Scott has to say in his "Two Way" section.
- Every two weeks, I uncontrollably vomit for half an hour.

I think there's a connection here...

Stu's Q & A-style "Two Way" section in the latest issue of ESPN The Mag actually made me vomit for a full hour, so I thought I'd share it with the world. I considered adding little comments after each of his answers to highlight his idiocy, but then I realized that no accentuation of said idiocy was required -- it's just that apparent. So, without further adieu, here is the complete, unabridged copy from Stu Scott's latest "Two Way":

Q: Stuart, you recently said on SportsCenter that fans shouldn't boo. If I have a bad day at work, my boss lets me know about it. If I pay to see a game and the players don't perform, why shouldn't I let them know about it?
Stu: Yes, you have a bad day, your boss tells you -- just like Larry Brown lets Stephon Marbury know when he's playing poorly. But what if your company's customers screamed obscenities at you too? Booing is classless. Not a single athlete out there isn't trying. A ticket gives you a right to be there, not to yell ugly things at people. That's my view.

Q: But Stuart, shouldn't booing just motivate a player to do better?
Stu: That works for some, but not others. You can't legislate people's reactions. So why not encourage an athlete in an 0-for-38 slump? That, or else step in against Roger Clemens yourself and see how you do.

Q: Is the Jets' new head coach, Eric Mangini, ready to lead an NFL team? He's only 35 and has head-coached only an Australian semipro team.
Stu: I don't think 35 is too young if you've spent enough time as an assistant with a good head coach, and Eric Mangini fits that bill. I'm sure he's learned a lot from Bill Belichick. Jon Gruden was a young head coach too. It worked for him. It's not about age, it's about how good you can be.

Q: Yo Stu -- seen Glory Road yet? Best sports movie of all time, in my opinion!
Stu: Yo TG, I've seen it twice. Took my daughters to see it, and I emceed the world premiere in LA. Hung out with Jerry Bruckheimer, Pat Riley, all the actors and, most important, the real members of the Texas Western team. All great guys. It's one of my fave sports movies too, right there with Remember the Titans, but I still give a slight edge to Brian's Song and Rocky.

Q: Stu, this is ridiculous already. Peyton Manning's had more than enough chances and this was the Colts' year to do it. Is it time to call him a choker yet?
Stu: Stop hating, AP. Last I heard, Manning didn't play Pittsburgh by himself. It's a team game. There's never been another quarterback who directs an offense quite like Peyton does. He's the best QB in the NFL.

Q: Stu, do you think the Heisman winner should be decided after the BCS?
Stu: Yeah. No. Maybe. Don't know. If I had a Heisman vote, I'd have tabbed Reggie, definitely before the bowls, and probably after as well, though I'd have been torn. Reggie deserves it, but if Vince had won, he would have deserved it too. Sorry to sit on the fence, but I like the view up here.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

What Roger could never do

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

My pathetic life vis a vis the radio

For the L.A. folks out there, I got a multiple choice question for you.

What's more pathetic? That:

a) I'm happier than an 8-year old school girl at a Backstreet Boys concert that KROQ is now broadcasting online,

b) in 2006, at least half of the songs that KROQ plays are from the 90s (this is supposed to be an influential radio station, yes?),

c) I'm facing what amounts to be a moral dilemma of catastrophic proportions when choosing to listen to Adam Carolla or Kevin & Bean in the morning,

d) I can't let go of L.A. and -- here's a novel idea -- listen to a radio station/show from the town that I actually live in, or

e) the best analogy that I could come up with for someone excited is an 8-year old school girl at a Backstreet Boys concert? I mean, the Backstreet Boys aren't really relevant anymore, are they? And it's not just them, right? Where's 'N Sync? 98ยบ? Are slutty girls the new boy band? Seems that way. I feel like they -- and by "they", I guess I'm referring to Britney, Jessica Simpson, etc. (or have they also become irrelevant? is/are there new slutty girl(s)? [or is there a new genre of prepubescent people out there that get 8-year old school girls excited?]) -- have somehow taken over that demo. How did that happen? Right?

Ummmmm, right?




Wait... where was I? Oh yeah, pathetic stuff.

Judge for yourself people.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Yhency's Yhoungsters

A fun fact on our boy, Yhency:

His wife's name is Yoneidi.

His first daughter's name is Yelaini.

A few months ago, Yhency and Yoneidi had a baby daughter. Her name? Yoneider.

Gotta love the Yhency.

Friday, February 03, 2006

A hint of things to come

Yao Ming has played in only 24 of the Rockets 45 games this year. Tracy McGrady has played in just 32 of those games. Yet both have been selected to start in the NBA All-Star game.

Please keep this in mind and check back with me in May, when I will unveil my long-awaited, diabolical plot to bring the WNBA down to its knees. What's the connection here? Check back in May.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

(Insert obvious "Welcome Back Kotter" joke here)

Gabe Kapler is back! Never have Jews on steroids needed a role model so badly, and my boy Gabe has come through in the clutch. 'Ata way to live out your dreams, Gabe!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I agree with Flea

If you went to Penn or Cal (and maybe some other schools) a few years ago, circa 2000, you may remember those shirts that a lot of born-again Christian-types were wearing that simply said something like, "I agree with Kris." Those shirts were everywhere, yet no one really knew what they meant. At least not me and my Jew friends.

I think I've figured it out. And today, my friends, I'd like to say that I agree with Flea.

The Lakers-Knicks game last night quickly turned into a rout, with the two teams separated by 20 to 30 points for most of the second half and Kobe playing sparingly in the last quarter and a half (still finished with 40 points). While this may sound like a bad thing, it actually turned out to be quite the blessing. For Andrew Bynum played. Oh yes, did he play.

And now, like Flea, I am obsessed.

If I were Bill Walton, I would be saying right now that Andrew Bynum is the future of the Lakers organization, that he's the player who, along with Kobe, will lead the team back to its rightful position of prominence. But I'm not Bill Walton. So instead, I'll just say that Andrew Bynum is, in fact, the second coming.

In just one full quarter of play, Bynum shot a perfect seven for seven from the field, added two more free throws, pulled down four rebounds, had an assist and a steal and just generally made his presence on the floor known. He was, simply put, unstoppable. And the somewhat pro-Lakers crowd took notice.

I'll admit that this was against a Knicks team that is awful, but I don't care. Bynum was brilliant. He played with this sense of entitlement, as if the ball belonged to him and that no one was going to stop him from putting it in the hoop. I actually don't even remember his assist because he was so clearly hellbent on scoring every time he touched the ball.

He played, and my heart soared. Oh, did it soar!