Son of Yhency

Friday, February 10, 2006

Stu Scott: sports reporter, father, idiot

Known facts in my life:
- Every two weeks, I get ESPN The Magazine in the mail.
- Every two weeks, I open ESPN The Magazine up and read whatever the hell it is Stuart Scott has to say in his "Two Way" section.
- Every two weeks, I uncontrollably vomit for half an hour.

I think there's a connection here...

Stu's Q & A-style "Two Way" section in the latest issue of ESPN The Mag actually made me vomit for a full hour, so I thought I'd share it with the world. I considered adding little comments after each of his answers to highlight his idiocy, but then I realized that no accentuation of said idiocy was required -- it's just that apparent. So, without further adieu, here is the complete, unabridged copy from Stu Scott's latest "Two Way":

Q: Stuart, you recently said on SportsCenter that fans shouldn't boo. If I have a bad day at work, my boss lets me know about it. If I pay to see a game and the players don't perform, why shouldn't I let them know about it?
Stu: Yes, you have a bad day, your boss tells you -- just like Larry Brown lets Stephon Marbury know when he's playing poorly. But what if your company's customers screamed obscenities at you too? Booing is classless. Not a single athlete out there isn't trying. A ticket gives you a right to be there, not to yell ugly things at people. That's my view.

Q: But Stuart, shouldn't booing just motivate a player to do better?
Stu: That works for some, but not others. You can't legislate people's reactions. So why not encourage an athlete in an 0-for-38 slump? That, or else step in against Roger Clemens yourself and see how you do.

Q: Is the Jets' new head coach, Eric Mangini, ready to lead an NFL team? He's only 35 and has head-coached only an Australian semipro team.
Stu: I don't think 35 is too young if you've spent enough time as an assistant with a good head coach, and Eric Mangini fits that bill. I'm sure he's learned a lot from Bill Belichick. Jon Gruden was a young head coach too. It worked for him. It's not about age, it's about how good you can be.

Q: Yo Stu -- seen Glory Road yet? Best sports movie of all time, in my opinion!
Stu: Yo TG, I've seen it twice. Took my daughters to see it, and I emceed the world premiere in LA. Hung out with Jerry Bruckheimer, Pat Riley, all the actors and, most important, the real members of the Texas Western team. All great guys. It's one of my fave sports movies too, right there with Remember the Titans, but I still give a slight edge to Brian's Song and Rocky.

Q: Stu, this is ridiculous already. Peyton Manning's had more than enough chances and this was the Colts' year to do it. Is it time to call him a choker yet?
Stu: Stop hating, AP. Last I heard, Manning didn't play Pittsburgh by himself. It's a team game. There's never been another quarterback who directs an offense quite like Peyton does. He's the best QB in the NFL.

Q: Stu, do you think the Heisman winner should be decided after the BCS?
Stu: Yeah. No. Maybe. Don't know. If I had a Heisman vote, I'd have tabbed Reggie, definitely before the bowls, and probably after as well, though I'd have been torn. Reggie deserves it, but if Vince had won, he would have deserved it too. Sorry to sit on the fence, but I like the view up here.