Son of Yhency

Monday, November 14, 2005

Manny being Manny!

Not much to say about Fruit-Rod winning the AL MVP. Can't say I'm surprised, but y'all know where I stand on the topic.

On to more light-hearted matters, here's a funny list of ideas by The Arizona Republic to convince Manny to accept a trade to the Diamondbacks... not that the Sox would ever entertain trading him in the first place. Right? RIGHT?!?!?

  • Install Manny a personal washroom under the left-field bleachers for those unanticipated emergencies, along with a little flag to be raised when Manny needs a break in play -- sort of like the ones you run up at Pancho's when you want more sopapillas.
  • Provide Manny with five "Manny is being Manny Today" cards per season to be used at his discretion as a free pass, sort of like a Get Out of Jail Free card they use in Monopoly and when NASCAR drivers get pulled over in Maricopa County by deputies who smell booze.
  • Promise Manny that one day his bust will reside alongside that of a Hall of Famer like Ted Williams. Then reserve the cryogenic tube next to Ted's.
  • Offer Manny a day off for every 10 ground balls he actually runs out.
  • Change the name of the Friday's Front Row above left field to Manny's Chateau.
  • Provide patrons there with free beer so they won't boo when Manny watches indifferently as a fly ball he thinks is out of the park bounces off the wall.
  • Allow Manny to make all Chase Field music selections. That way, Manny would have no reason to wear an MP3 player during a game again. Plus, it would rid us of that infernal sleep-inducing, rally-killing organ music.
  • Give Manny complete authority over opening or closing the roof, including a remote control so it will give him something to do when he's bored by all the long balls going overhead courtesy of the club's relief staff.

Red Sox, please don't trade him.